It’s easy to tell yourself you don’t have any sense of attachment to that person, but if you’re asking the question in the first place, you need to pause.įirst, you need to sort through your feelings. If you have to question whether it’s appropriate to reconnect with an ex after a period of time, you might be dealing with some old feelings. So an old flame has tried to reconnect with you, and you’re considering whether you should pursue a friendship with them. Reestablishing a friendship with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend Above all, keep the dialogue open and honest. Let them know it’s okay to express vulnerability, and give them the reassurance they need to feel more secure. Try to empathically understand where they’re coming from, and be patient as you listen. Most importantly, if your spouse comes to you upset about your friendship, be careful not to become defensive or reactive. Maybe you can agree to carpool with three or more people if you travel out of the office for any reason–or arrange to drive alone if carpooling isn’t an option. You might need to avoid going off-site alone with your coworker friend, to lunches, meetings, or elsewhere. Perhaps your spouse might feel more comfortable if you agree not to be alone with your coworker for prolonged periods of time. Display photos of your spouse and children around your desk to show their importance to you life. Keep your in-office interactions as public as possible, and make sure to speak positively about your spouse often. Then, it might be best to make some decisions together about how and where you’ll spend time with your coworker during business hours and work-related activities. With this in mind, reassure your spouse that you love them and cherish your relationship. After all, we spend a huge part of our lives at work it’s very common for spouses to question, “Could there be something more to this friendship?” And unfortunately, workplace affairs are common.īe aware that a friendship with your coworker could make your spouse feel suspicious, jealous, and vulnerable. If you’ve developed a close friendship with an opposite-sex coworker, it’s important to be aware that this can set off warning alarms in your spouse’s mind. Navigating a close friendship with an opposite-sex coworker Building these protective hedges around your marriage will let your spouse know that you cherish your relationship, and you care about it enough to protect it at all costs. Above all, make sure your spouse can feel comfortable and relaxed–not uncomfortable and anxious. Set some boundaries that help your spouse feel more secure, like carefully considering where you go and what you do with these friends. If you can, involve your spouse in the friendships, or build them into couple friendships. You don’t have to lose your friendships, but you do have to demonstrate that your spouse’s needs and your commitment to the marriage are more important. Your treatment of the situation should help reassure your spouse that your friendships are safe. But it does mean you need to be extra diligent about building your spouse’s confidence. Your spouse’s discomfort with your friendships doesn’t mean you have to sever them completely. Give them a chance to tell you why, then offer reassurance that you’re committed to your marriage. Without hostility or blaming, gently let your spouse know that you’ve noticed they seem to be feeling uneasy about your friend(s). You’ll also need to talk to your spouse about it. If your spouse feels threatened by your friendships, you’ll need to be respectful of their feelings. That is, unless your spouse is feeling deeply unnerved by it. Maintaining friendships with the opposite sex when your spouse is uneasyįirst, it’s important to note that simply having opposite-sex friends shouldn’t be threatening to your marriage.
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Read on for a few common opposite-gender friendship scenarios…and how to handle them. But we may have to make some changes in order to prioritize our marriages moving forward. So does that mean we have to abandon our opposite-sex friends once we’re married? Not at all. Outside of that, we have to decide how we’re going to approach our other relationships in light of this sacred covenant we’ve created with our spouse. The first question to ask ourselves is, where are we going to invest our energy and focus? Obviously, our marriage is the most precious relationship to protect. While same-sex friendships tend to be easy to nurture after we’re married, there’s an entirely different set of considerations when it comes to having opposite-sex friends. This is especially true if we have close friends of the opposite gender. It can be a challenge to balance the intimacy of our marriages with the other important friendships in our lives.
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